About trying

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Hi there, this is kinda awkward as this is my very first post. My name is Maria Josep, but you can call me Mary Jo. I'm currently studying a degree in computer engineering in Barcelona, where I'm from.

On my way to uni

The truth is that I don't know what to do with my life. I'm already 24 years old and I feel like it's already too late to change my path, although I don't really enjoy what I'm studying. I like some other things, but it never seems like the moment to start them. Like this blog, I created it some weeks ago, but I never feel like committing to something new. It scares the crap out of me, and makes me not trying anything new, not trying to improve, not trying to learn about things I really want to learn and I'm interested in.

Fear is powerful. I didn't used to be like this. I used to be pretty care free, not crazy care free but willing to try and experiment. Now almost everything scares me, and makes me feel impotent, insignificant and not enough. It's just a vicious circle in which I feel I'm not enough to do something I like, then not trying to learn/improve in it, then feeling worse because I will never get to anything with it, then feeling even worse because I'm loosing my time... and so on and so forth.

I'm trying to stay more positive than usual. I'm a pretty depressive person. I get upset easily, everything bothers me, I get tired quickly, I get bored so often and I can create a problem from almost anything. This emotional whirlwind has gotten me several times feeling physically sick, with stomach ache every day or migraines or contractures in the back making me feel even more miserable and achy every day. And so the circle continued for several months.

As I said, I'm trying to stay positive. Recently I moved out with my boyfriend. I though it would make me feel much better being out of my home, being finally living with him (it was something we were talking about ever since we started dating, yep pretty intense), having my own space, decorating, feeling finally free! But it just improved a teeny weeny. It really wasn't what I was expecting, and I felt disappointed.
Now everyday I try to convince myself... well more than convincing myself making the realization that I'm so lucky to have such an awesome partner, and to be able to move out of home without even have finished my degree, and to be relatively healthy, and to have good sight, and to have such a supporting family that has provided to me everything for 24 years... All this comes from several things. As I'm trying to improve, in general, I've found a book (through the awesome Sammi from BeautyCrush that you can also find here) called "Don't sweat the small stuff". I've been reading some chapters on the bus to uni, and it really gives good advice and makes you realize some things that you do that you're not even conscious about! 

Always on my computer - Spring vacation memories make me feel good

I'm also trying to get fit in order to feel better. I am a pretty sedentary person that's all day long sit in front of a PC either at work, at class or at home... and that's no good.

So sorry guys for such a rambly long post. It really wasn't my intention to drop all of this in my first post! But I thought it was better to let everyone know how I am before I start anything serious! 

To finish, just say that this blog is intended to be about kinda everything. I'm not just focusing on beauty, or lifestyle, or photography... it will just be a mixture of some things!!
Hope you enjoy reading it!

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