Starting ballet at 27

Wednesday, October 26, 2016


Long time no see. I've kinda forgotten about the blog for the past few months, too much work to do, too many worries... It's been a time of change again for me. I loved working at Lush with all my heart, loved the people, loved the place, loved everything but working 6 days a week, having a rotating schedule and being unable to fully disconnect. So I did what I do best, I kept on my quest for happiness, and thus, I quit.

Right now I'm just floating in universe, waiting for some injuries [that kept me on leave for two months] to heal. On September the 5th I started ballet. During my teens I fell in love with [specially] classic ballet, and I became obsessed. I managed to convince my mother, when I was 16, to take like a crash course with 6 year olds for a week. Ever since I felt like it's something I would have greatly enjoyed. At the time tho I was really busy with school and my extracurriculars. Now that I'm 27, sort of an stablished adult, I decided it was time to try it out! And so I did.

This is the first time, in my life, that I'm enjoying exercising... I've never ever enjoyed doing sport, until I tried ballet. Oh la la, it makes me feel amazing, I sweat like crazy, I'm getting strong and working on my flexibility, and I always want to train more! To me it's a really odd feeling, but I enjoy it despite.

I, in class, feel stupid some times, you feel like you're doing something beautiful... until you take a look in the mirror and realize you look like a fool XD But you can see improvements quickly, and honestly, after the first couple of classes all my fear and shame just went out the window, I was there to learn and be able to play something beautiful with my body.

Body confidence has also been big with this, I'm not that big, I think, but I'm the biggest in class, at least I'm not the oldest [by far] XD I've been battling with my body for the past 4 years, and I, at last, have found a form of exercise that I enjoy and want to do!

This is all for now, maybe next I'll show you my fave items for class as a beginner!

See ya later, alligators.

Me Luna Menstrual Cup

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

So, let's talk vaginas.

A while back, about 5 years ago, I tried my first menstrual cup, a Lady Cup. Lady cup only offers two different sizes, one for prior vaginal birth and one for afterwards. But... don't you think that really is limiting to women? I mean... is there only two sizes of vagina? Of course not, the vagina is flexible and stuff, but, 2 sizes? When I got my Lady Cup I got the smaller one but it was too tall for me! I have recently found that I have a medium-low cervix and that's why that cup didn't really fit me; it was uncomfortable and a bit was always poking out. I also have a neural condition in which the nerve endings on the opening of my vagina are really, really sensible, and so for me was even more uncomfortable and even painful due to the continuous rubbing - in case you're interested, it's called vulvodynia of which I have vulvar vestibulitis, just google it folks XD.

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Since the Lady Cup was ruled out for me and all the other brands only had 2 sizes too I assumed I would never be able to wear a menstrual cup! And so for the past 5 years I used tampons... But it looks like a brand thought about the fact that 2 cup sizes don't fit all!
Me Luna is the genius brand that came to that conclusion and thus have lots of combinations!

Me Luna menstrual cup packaging
- packaging with a custom starter set -

They have 2 lengths, regular and shorty, 4 sizes, S, M, L and XL, 3 firmness levels, soft, regular and sport and 4 different grip options, basic, ball, stem and ring, that makes 96 different combinations, but going down to just length and size that's already 8 different sizes, if you take into account the firmness level that's already 24 different combinations.... WHICH IS GREAT! 

Meluna menstural size and volume options and combinations with grip
- Sizing of all the Me Luna combinations via reusablemenstrualcup -

As I had trouble before with menstrual cups I just ordered a few based on what I knew: I have light periods and a medium to low cervix and strong pelvic muscles. Given that I first ordered one of each firmness, the soft is not pictured because my muscles just squished it right away. I got a soft small with ball grip, it was too long and too soft, so I gave it away, and my two shorty Smalls, both with ball grip and one in normal and another one in sport firmness, those two worked like a charm!

Me Luna Shorty in S, M and L sporty and classic
- L to R shorty S classic ball, shorty S sport ball, shorty M classic ball, shorty L sport basic -

So, once I knew that shorty was the way to go for me I tried them on my period. I have a fairly light period - maybe used 3 to 4 light tampons a day, I consider that pretty light - but for the heavier day of my period, which was day 2 or 3, I don't quite recall, I overflowed it in 5h whilst at work! it was no big deal, I went to the bathroom, cleaned up with some biodegradable intimate wipes and got it up again. But I wanted to be able to have it on for 6+ hours, at least 10, so I went back and I ordered a couple more from the shorty range.

Diameter comparison between Me Luna shorty in S, M and L
- Differences in diameter between S, M and L in the shorty range -

I got then two more shorties, a Medium in regular firmness and a Large in sport firmness as it was going to be wider and my vagina really swells up when I'm on my period, so I wanted it to be squish free! Those two worked again perfectly! I've used them both, and as I know when I get more flow I just work with that. On my latest period I basically used the M and the L and it was great, no discomfort, nothing poking out and I was basically able to forget about my period! I'm also really glad that the L I got without grip - in the shorty range you have to custom request it if you want a basic grip - because it's as long as the S with the ball grip, which works out perfectly for me, because that's all the space I can afford XD

Me Luna classic and Sport firmness difference
- Squish test between classic and sport firmness -

On the picture above you can clearly see the firmness difference between a normal one and a sport one! The sport one may require more experience to get in and out, but it's not that hard. Also, if you get a basic grip I really recommend practising and watching a few videos on how to do it without pain, as it's harder to get in and out. You may think that the grip is not that important, but it actually is!

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There are many methods out there on how to get it in, but my favorite folds are the 7-fold and the punch-down even though in most menstrual cup leaflets recommend the c-fold. The c-fold is the very first fold I ever tried and it was painful and hard! Since I've found out about the 7 and the punch down my life has changed for the better, that's for sure. They are the easiest to work with as it's narrower.

Different menstrual cup folding methods
- Different folding methods for the cup via Bunnie's Choice -

And about the removing process Bree from Precious Star Pads has a really good video on how to effectively remove it without hurting yourself because as she states in the video it's really easy to force your urethra and that's the real painful part! You can check her video here and I'll just insert it here:

Saving and OCD

Friday, January 8, 2016

The forever struggle

Saving and OCD
(via: lowohs' tumblr)

All my life, at least since I was a teen, I've struggled with saving. I had never known why, until I was diagnosed with OCD and it just clicked. I'm not trying to pull out an excuse or some sort of bullshit, but it was the main reason why. That doesn't mean I won't save ever, just that it's like hundreds of times harder than for other humans.

It all started with my first paycheck when I was 17. Up 'til that moment I had a savings account in which my parents and I used to put a bit of money each month so when I was an adult I had some money to spend and be more able to become emancipated. But then my first paycheck came and, as I had savings, I didn't mind spending it all in just shit. All sorts of crap I didn't need but wanted.

Over the years it became a habit, and I also started digging into the savings my parents and I had accumulated into my savings account. My obsessions grew without realizing, and from clothing to makeup to buying compulsively nail polish I eventually ran out of money. At that point I was 22 I think, I was working at my college and had a small salary, I was still living with my parents and I had almost zero responsibilities. I would be waiting for my paycheck to spend it all again in more and more nail polish, of which I only used - and got to use over the years - a really small fraction. Each month, for months, I would just desire to get paid so I could just order more and more online, and receive the packages, be uber hyped on the meantime thinking of all the packages that were on my way, and eventually got them on a box and never use them.

Nail polishes weren't always my obsession, but they were for a year or two, one of the most expensive and intrusive obsessions I've had. At that time I didn't really realize I was obsessed and that my need to buy desperately was unhealthy, instead I would just get upset if someone just opened their mouth about it. 

Over the years I've struggled with some other spending obsessions, and recently have learned that is a usual trouble for people with OCD. Some things that help me save, or at least not spend all my money at once is just leaving my debit card at home, hiding my credit card and  not being able to see it regularly, and withdrawing my monthly expenses cash every end of the month. In the beginning I had to have my bf carry my cards so I wouldn't be able to use them as I was scared of myself getting out of control. I asked him to change my paypal password so I couldn't use that either. Right now I'm at that better place where I can know where they are, I have full control of my paypal and my cards, but I just don't carry them. Carrying cash instead of cards is also such a huge help. When you have physical money it's so much harder to let it go! When I buy online it's so easy, I just have to get hyper and click some buttons and wait at home for a beautiful package to come to me, but with cash you touch the money, you get to see how much you're spending and what does mean.

All in all I would say learning how to save with OCD is a journey, a long ass journey, a necessary journey if you have spending compulsions. This doesn't sum up, at all, my journey. I've had so many ups and downs and in betweens it would take me posts and posts about it, but I think I draw the main idea. I want you to know, if you struggle with the same issue, that you're not alone, but it's essential that you are aware of it and try to take steps to improve.

Start, purge, repeat

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

I want to change the world. I want to do it so bad. I've wanted to for so long, but I've never known how. I still don't, don't get me wrong, but I feel I'm working on the right direction.

I've been purging my life, my possessions, myself. I've been purging. And it feels, oh, so good. I've gotten rid of stuff, my mane, needs, inquisitive thoughts, unnecessary needs... I want to change the world, but before I can I need to change myself.

You'll see I've removed some (lots of) posts from my blog because... change. Change is the basis of everything, I'd say. That's what I think now, of course, and I haven't always thought like that, I don't know if I'm gonna think like that forever to be honest, but as for now it is.

The content I've removed I see unnecessary on my life right now, it doesn't make me happy, it doesn't really align with how I'm thinking. I know many people would just leave it there for the sake of memories and stuff, but I need to purge, I need to align myself and my thoughts.

Change is the only constant in life, and the past year I've grown so darn much. I feel like I'm finally becoming myself. I'm happier than I've been in so long, I'm doing things that make me happy instead of what I'm supposed to do or what society dictates is the expected of me. I'm disappointing my family - because of the latter point - I'm finding myself, I'm starting to feel comfortable in my skin, on my own, with my mind, with my loves (Eric and the girls). For the past 6 months I've only taken steps towards my happiness, although not everyone sees it like so, but I don't really mind, I trust they'll some day understand or at least accept it.

I consider myself a pretty ignorant person. I don't know lots of things, I get lost in so many topics, I have a short attention span and usually get distracted by myself with just my train of thought. I want to learn more about the world because I want to change it, for the better. But what does that mean? I want to reflect upon that and other things in next posts, so I'll keep you posted.

don't be afraid to change,
be your true self.

Today in a song: